Kayleigh Goes to Washington
“Sorry, it was declined.”
Kayleigh laughed it off, and pulled another card from her purse. It went through. One economy class ticket.
Completing the security check, she removed her mask, an oppressive and evil burden. Destroyer of livelihoods. A white flag for the face.
“You need a mask,” a man walking opposite from her said.
“Mind your business!” Her face reddened.
Having reached her gate, she pulled from her purse a bottle of benzos she had borrowed from her sister. Just one pill left. She swallowed it.
What would they have me do? she thought. Mash up the pill and snort it through my mask? Fucking idiots. Sheep.
She bought a sandwich and sat down at a table. As she ate, she regretted that her eating was masking the fact that she was an anti-masker. She ate as fast as she could.
Collections was calling. They called her several times a day. She sent them to voicemail.
It was a great business model, Kayleigh thought. I was gonna make it big, until they shut down everything. I really was.
The senator was due to appear in the terminal soon. She thought of his betrayal, his weakness. His establishmentness.
How could he not support our president? He’s a Republican, isn’t he? It makes no sense. Everyone knows Trump won. The media and Big Tech censor the truth.
She took a seat at the gate. Some moments later, a masked woman sat two spots away from her. The woman, seeing Kayleigh, looked very nervous and began to get up.
“No,” Kayleigh said.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll move.”
“No. Just stay there. You have nothing to worry about.”
“No really, I don’t want to bother you …”
Kayleigh got up, stood in front of the woman and ripped her mask off.
The woman froze.
“See? Doesn’t that feel much better? You can breathe!”
“Oh! I can breathe!”
“You’re free!”
“I’m free!” The woman stood up and hugged her. They laughed and celebrated like reunited sisters. Kayleigh picked up the discarded mask, spat on it and tossed it into the trash.
A man started clapping slowly. The other travelers joined him. The whole gate applauded Kayleigh’s miracle. And water hung in her eyes.
What if I could spread this moment to the whole country? To the world? Maybe I can. Maybe I can tomorrow.
After taking photos with about ten other travelers, Kayleigh saw him. The traitor. He looked disgusting in his Tom Ford suit.
Pleasurably, he had no security with him. She immediately marched over.
“Uh, excuse me,” said she.
“Hello. Are you- are you going to stand back?”
“I’m six feet away. You don’t deserve six feet away, but I’m doing it. Really, you deserve two feet in your ass.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Are you going to support the president?”
“Young lady-”
“Are you going to support the president?” She’d forgotten to record this, and she retrieved her phone.
“The president lost this election.”
“No! He won Georgia, Pennsylvania and Arizona!”
“That simply isn’t true. You have been deceived.”
“No, you’ve been deceived! It was rigged! You know it was rigged!”
“How was it rigged?”
“Well you saw on Tuesday night, Trump was ahead in the Midwest. Then Democrats snuck in ballots!”
“Young lady, that is simply because mail-in ballots had not yet been counted. Trump cast doubt on mail-in voting for months. His supporters largely voted in person. So obviously those votes are going to skew toward Biden.”
“No! It was rigged! And how could Trump lose Georgia? It’s impossible. Don’t believe the media’s lies!”
“Well, Georgia has been seeing demographic shifts for decades-”
“No! It was rigged!”
“You are simply misinformed.”
“Rigged!”
“No-”
“Rigged! Rigged! Rigged rigged rigged rigged rigged!”
The senator looked away, as if in contemplation. Then he looked back at her.
“You’re right.”
Kayleigh was taken aback. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah I’m right!”
“The election was rigged, and everyone knows it,” said the enlightened senator. “Lots of fraud going on. It’s not good, folks.” He gestured wildly.
“Right,” she said. “So you’re going to vote to support the president tomorrow?”
“Oh, I’m gonna support him. I’m gonna support him big. The electors from Pennsylvania and Georgia don’t know what’s coming. We’re gonna object to the electors, and make our own electors, good electors, made-in-America electors, and we’re going to have four more years, ‘cause you know, that’s what the country wants, folks. It’s just democracy. I love democracy.”
It seemed the entire terminal had gathered to watch the interlocutors.
A man began a slow clap. The rest of the crowd joined him. A great roar was heard through the concourse. Masks were taken off, spat on and discarded. There was dancing, domino-playing and even good-natured wrestling in some spots.
An airline representative made her way to Kayleigh, and announced that her ticket had been upgraded to first class. “For your service to your country,” the representative said. Cheers and whistling followed.
Chase called Kayleigh again. She didn’t answer, but soon received a text from them announcing that her debt had been canceled. Only she among the travelers knew, but her inward celebrations were louder than their outward ones.
“Hey, everyone be quiet! Look at the TVs!”
Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos appeared, and they announced the unconditional surrender of Big Tech. The celebrations resumed.
A talent scout from Fox News called Kayleigh. He said they had just seen the video of her which went viral three minutes ago, And we think you’d make a great addition here at Fox News. How would you like to be a regular commentator?
A bartender approached Kayleigh and offered her a shot of Patrón.
“It has no taste,” she said.
The crowd picked her up and carried her to her first class seat to Washington. And to destiny.
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